*** NSFW ***
A
superhero porn parody in comic book form
"Beware the Cumpire”
Writer and Illustrator -
Motoki
Editor – Ryder Windham
Published – Groth &
Thompson
April 1992
If
there exists an ideal independent underground comic book company, Fantagraphics probably
fits that title. That publishing house is responsible for encouraging and
producting such great works as Love and
Rockets, Castle Waiting, and Usagi Yojimbo. All of those books took great risk to produce. These are books
that the majors would never touch. To me, that fits the soul of what an
independent underground publisher should ideally do: stray away from the superhero segment
and make books about something else.
Fantagraphics
did just that. In 1992 they strayed so far afield that they created their own
Adults-only comic book line under the Eros Comics imprint. And while books like
Omaha the Cat Dancer got their start in this line, validating its existence, there
were also lesser known titles such as this one…Karate Girl.
I’m
going to be frank with you, this book is porn, pure and simple. And like porn, many of you will be offended by its content. If you are one of those types, I URGE you to stop now and walk away. Written, drawn
and lettered by “Motoki,” Karate Girl is exactly like watching a dirty movie,
so be warned if you decide to press on.
I
didn’t know that when I picked it up, so maybe I’m overcompensating with my
warnings because I don’t want any of you taken by surprise the way I was. I
thought that the cover looked like good Crapbox fodder given the simplified art
style. I wasn’t put off by the skimpy clothing as there are PLENTY of 90’s
books in the stacks here that have just as sexist cover art with those same “Barbies
in leotards” looks. It looked like many other Crapbox finds.
Then
I got home and opened the interior splash page to find this:
Um…wait!
Her bush is uncovered. First unbidden thought that shot across my brow.
Followed quickly by “WTF am I reading?”
If
only I had stopped there…
But
I didn’t. Years of Crapbox pulls had made me jaded. And when on the next page
certain characters seemed to parody other, highly popular Marvel characters
I wasn’t dissuaded. In fact, I was kind of reassured that this wouldn't be all that bad. I’ve seen that before too.
I
did note that certain lines appeared to be poorly edited and I will admit to
being completely guilty of reading these lines in “pigeon English” due to the
name of our writer/artist. “This is job for Lady America.” Heh…I’m possibly
racist for that.
Anyway,
our thin as a tissue paper plot starts out like this: Lady America, her
sidekick Becky and agents of The Buckler all chart a possible alien spacecraft
as it crash lands on Earth. Arriving on the spot they find this…peculiar ship that is shaped like
another P-word entirely.
A
hatch opens and a butterfly flies out and then the ship explodes leaving them
with no clue what has just made its way to our planet.
Meanwhile,
our protagonist Karate Girl is in her civilian identity of Yuki Masamune making
her way through the seedy backstreets of the city. She’s a foreigner who is
living with an American family named Mr. and Mrs. White. Currently our nameless
lead character (we find out her name seven pages in) is about to run afoul of
some rapists, because what big city isn’t completed without some rapists.
Little
upskirt there…no big deal, right? That’s what I thought too. Also her elbowing
thug two allows her to change into her Karate Girl outfit, so get ready for
some butt thrashing.
Okay,
a little nipply there, but still standard superhero stuff, right? Nothing
spectacular and at least the narrative is easy to follow. Also the
art is pretty much standard for a b&w comic. We turn the page and that “standard
story” goes right out the window.
That’s
because these same punks run smack dab into this hot little number, a horny
Vampirella stand-in who talks like she walked in off the lot of a porno. Please
cover any children’s eyes that are within 50’ of your monitor.
**Warning: Graphic sex scenes are artfully
displayed in this comic**
So
the “cumpire” takes out both guy’s huge schlongs and proceeds to perform
fellatio on both of the *ahem* gentlemen. Complete with the unnecessary “Sploch! Sploch!”
sound effects. Giving good head isn’t all our Cumpire can do, however. She also
electrifies the poor gents to the spot and forces them to, in her words, “Let
me drink your sperm…till you die!” I suppose there are worse ways to go?
The
next morning, our superheroine is eating breakfast when this news broadcast
comes on…
“…but
no clue is found.” No clue. Not anymore clue have a been found.
This
spurs Yuki into action, so she rushes to her room and takes off all her
clothes.
We
learn a little backstory from this exposition: Karate girl is from Japan, her
mission is to “fight everything evil”, and she was sent to the US by her
teacher Sennin from Japan because it is so crime free. Also we learn she shaves
all the way down.
Meanwhile,
the Cumpire is getting sloppy with three guys in an alley (which begs the
question why do horny guys hang out in alleys? Is it in hopes this kind of
thing would happen? I don’t hang out in enough alleys to know.) when Karate
girl happens to be swinging by…
Okay,
I’m going to point things out here because the story is getting way too sexified. In the fourth panel, the
word balloon makes it look like her vagina is actually talking. Had the balloon
been placed further up the picture like it was coming from the direction of
where the Cumpire’s mouth was, I would have been fine, but no. No. I am forever
reading that like her pussy is saying “Yes! Yes! I like it!”
Warning
to fellow males, never put your pecker in a talking pussy. Just word to the wise.
In
a scene that worries me a bit because I don't know how closely Google monitors these pages (it is ART, not photographs!), the men double team her while the third gets
oral and then they are back to two men getting oral while she has sex with the
third and … am I the only one grossed out by that? I mean, that can’t be
sanitary. Ever.
Anyway…THE STORY! ON WITH THE STORY!
Karate
Girl finds the foursome playing the Karma Sutra’s greatest hits and…in typical
porno fashion…watching them starts to get her turned on.
But
while she’s trying to decide if she should start wanking it to these
proceedings…the Cumpire STRIKES!
So
Wolverine hair there has been literally sucked dry. As his crumpled body falls
to the ground, the Cumpire turns to the African American guy.
Before
Karate Girl can do anything, he’s now all shriveled up too. I love the guy on
bottom’s “H…Help!” Dude, you’d never have this problem if you learned to keep
your pecker in your pants.
Karate
Girl *ahem* causes the Cumpire to?...dismount?...from her victim and then they
start to scuffle. That’s when the Cumpire releases another of her hidden
powers.
Yup!
I called that one. She can make people super-horney. That last line about “love
juice” is hilarious. But just as Yuki is stating how her “mound is hot and
swelling” while the Cumpire eggs her on so she can kill her with ecstasy…
Yes!
It is Lady America and Becky.
Karate
Girl, in the immortal words of The Bowler “Maybe you should put some shorts on
or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today?” Or as Lady America says…
Heh,
what a subtle dig. “Enjoying yourself?” Anyway, the two agents of The Buckler
take our alien jizz guzzler back to their secret base EVEN THOUGH Karate Girl
warns them to kill her.
Once
there, Dick and Duke take over watching the trussed-up alien while Lady America
and Becky go “rest”. And of course even though they are stand-ins for Nick Fury
and Dum-Dum Dugan, Dick and Duke end up being rapey assholes who become so
obsessed with hot alien sex that they…well, you’ll see in a moment.I suspect you know where it will go.
(note the talking pussy again)
But
first I have to tell you that “rest” for Lady America and Becky means lesbian
sex. Because of course it does. But even Adult Crapbox posts have an upper
limit for the amount of naked sex pictures I will throw in and I’ve just about reached it.
I
will say that the dialogue is some of the most forced and awkward I’ve ever
encountered. Who could write “My pussy drips too much! And my panty is wet and
stained with love juice,” with a straight face? There are several more mentions
of “love juice” and opening a certain orifice as wide as possible so one could look inside and one occurrence of “piss out” which
I don’t even wanna contemplate…ew!
Wasn’t
this book about superheroes? With a killer supervillain?
Like
the book itself suddenly remembers, the two Buckler agents “guarding” the
Cumpire reach their final climax and an alarm sounds, interrupting the female superhero pair.
They
come rushing into the prisoner holding area only to find the dead agents. It
prompts Lady America, also known as Stella, to tell Becky they must “find her
out!” and that she is to “Find her and kill!!”
But
while searching, the Cumpire sneaks into position in her butterfly form and knocks
Lady America out with her orgasm power.
Then
she pulls the same trick on Becky. Oh no!
Oh
my! Frankly, I’m beyond words. The poor grammar and visuals have rendered me
speechless. Not to mention that word balloon again points to a pussy that is
now saying “Woof! Do anything!” What the fuck do I say about that? I don't know how to comment on this and I'm laughing so much that I can't breath.
THANKFULLY!
Karate Girl shows up and saves the day.
She
knocks out the Cumpire and is just about to kill her when the poor murdering
alien starts to cry, gaining her sympathies long enough for her to listen to
her tale of woe.
And
life on that planet was far different from ours…
I…those
are penis shaped plants. They have veins. And scrots that all bunch together at
the base. So these girls just lay around all day sucking plant penis. I mean,
it makes about as much sense as anything else here, I suppose. Thank god her planet blew up. A few of those plants and there would be no use for men anymore.
Can we wrap this
up now. Please?
So
Karate Girl’s brilliant idea is to turn the Cumpire into a paid prostitute so
she can survive. But won't she end up killing her Johns?...I guess that's a question for another day.
To
sum up…I do not know where to start. I will state that this was the most
difficult issue I've ever had to review. I mean, from the standpoint of decency, this book is
pure smut. It is a porno made into a comic book. Same threadbare plot. Same
silly language and dialogue. Same cardboard cutout characters who are all
perpetually horny and non-discriminating. All of it.
I’m
not a prude by any stretch of the imagination and I believe the comic book market is broad enough to encompass all kinds of genres including this one. I am, however, sensitive to what other
people think. Sex is a highly personal and charged issue. What I can read
objectively and feel fine with talking about will likely be outside of polite conversation
for many others.
However,
this is art. By that I mean the entirety of the book and not just the pictures. Conveying a
story in a visual medium counts as creating art. Even this story, which serves
to do little other than titillate and amuse, is a form of art.
If
you want a true objective option of it, I’d state that I was entertained by it.
It is silly and stupid, but somewhere between the Engrish phraseology and the
superhero parody with heavy doses of porn, I started to laugh along with the
book. I’m glad I had the opportunity to read it, even though I would never pull
another issue of the title out of the bargain bin.
If
you decided this book was worth seeking out, that choice is totally up to you.
I make no judgment if you do.
