Monday, September 4, 2017

September Sucks: Karate Girl #1







*** NSFW ***
A superhero porn parody in comic book form


"Beware the Cumpire”
Writer and Illustrator - Motoki
Editor – Ryder Windham
Published – Groth & Thompson
April 1992

If there exists an ideal independent underground comic book company, Fantagraphics probably fits that title. That publishing house is responsible for encouraging and producting such great works as Love and Rockets, Castle Waiting, and Usagi Yojimbo.  All of those books took great risk to produce. These are books that the majors would never touch. To me, that fits the soul of what an independent underground publisher should ideally do: stray away from the superhero segment and make books about something else.

Fantagraphics did just that. In 1992 they strayed so far afield that they created their own Adults-only comic book line under the Eros Comics imprint. And while books like Omaha the Cat Dancer got their start in this line, validating its existence, there were also lesser known titles such as this one…Karate Girl.

I’m going to be frank with you, this book is porn, pure and simple. And like porn, many of you will be offended by its content. If you are one of those types, I URGE you to stop now and walk away. Written, drawn and lettered by “Motoki,” Karate Girl is exactly like watching a dirty movie, so be warned if you decide to press on.

I didn’t know that when I picked it up, so maybe I’m overcompensating with my warnings because I don’t want any of you taken by surprise the way I was. I thought that the cover looked like good Crapbox fodder given the simplified art style. I wasn’t put off by the skimpy clothing as there are PLENTY of 90’s books in the stacks here that have just as sexist cover art with those same “Barbies in leotards” looks. It looked like many other Crapbox finds.

Then I got home and opened the interior splash page to find this:



Um…wait! Her bush is uncovered. First unbidden thought that shot across my brow. Followed quickly by “WTF am I reading?”

If only I had stopped there…

But I didn’t. Years of Crapbox pulls had made me jaded. And when on the next page certain characters seemed to parody other, highly popular Marvel characters I wasn’t dissuaded. In fact, I was kind of reassured that this wouldn't be all that bad. I’ve seen that before too.

I did note that certain lines appeared to be poorly edited and I will admit to being completely guilty of reading these lines in “pigeon English” due to the name of our writer/artist. “This is job for Lady America.” Heh…I’m possibly racist for that. 



Anyway, our thin as a tissue paper plot starts out like this: Lady America, her sidekick Becky and agents of The Buckler all chart a possible alien spacecraft as it crash lands on Earth. Arriving on the spot they find this…peculiar ship that is shaped like another P-word entirely. 



A hatch opens and a butterfly flies out and then the ship explodes leaving them with no clue what has just made its way to our planet.

Meanwhile, our protagonist Karate Girl is in her civilian identity of Yuki Masamune making her way through the seedy backstreets of the city. She’s a foreigner who is living with an American family named Mr. and Mrs. White. Currently our nameless lead character (we find out her name seven pages in) is about to run afoul of some rapists, because what big city isn’t completed without some rapists.



Little upskirt there…no big deal, right? That’s what I thought too. Also her elbowing thug two allows her to change into her Karate Girl outfit, so get ready for some butt thrashing.



Okay, a little nipply there, but still standard superhero stuff, right? Nothing spectacular and at least the narrative is easy to follow. Also the art is pretty much standard for a b&w comic. We turn the page and that “standard story” goes right out the window. 



That’s because these same punks run smack dab into this hot little number, a horny Vampirella stand-in who talks like she walked in off the lot of a porno. Please cover any children’s eyes that are within 50’ of your monitor.

**Warning: Graphic sex scenes are artfully displayed in this comic**

So the “cumpire” takes out both guy’s huge schlongs and proceeds to perform fellatio on both of the *ahem* gentlemen.  Complete with the unnecessary “Sploch! Sploch!” sound effects. Giving good head isn’t all our Cumpire can do, however. She also electrifies the poor gents to the spot and forces them to, in her words, “Let me drink your sperm…till you die!” I suppose there are worse ways to go?



The next morning, our superheroine is eating breakfast when this news broadcast comes on…



“…but no clue is found.” No clue. Not anymore clue have a been found.

This spurs Yuki into action, so she rushes to her room and takes off all her clothes. 



We learn a little backstory from this exposition: Karate girl is from Japan, her mission is to “fight everything evil”, and she was sent to the US by her teacher Sennin from Japan because it is so crime free. Also we learn she shaves all the way down.

Meanwhile, the Cumpire is getting sloppy with three guys in an alley (which begs the question why do horny guys hang out in alleys? Is it in hopes this kind of thing would happen? I don’t hang out in enough alleys to know.) when Karate girl happens to be swinging by…



Okay, I’m going to point things out here because the story is getting way too sexified. In the fourth panel, the word balloon makes it look like her vagina is actually talking. Had the balloon been placed further up the picture like it was coming from the direction of where the Cumpire’s mouth was, I would have been fine, but no. No. I am forever reading that like her pussy is saying “Yes! Yes! I like it!”

Warning to fellow males, never put your pecker in a talking pussy. Just word to the wise.

In a scene that worries me a bit because I don't know how closely Google monitors these pages (it is ART, not photographs!), the men double team her while the third gets oral and then they are back to two men getting oral while she has sex with the third and … am I the only one grossed out by that? I mean, that can’t be sanitary. Ever. 

Anyway…THE STORY! ON WITH THE STORY!




Karate Girl finds the foursome playing the Karma Sutra’s greatest hits and…in typical porno fashion…watching them starts to get her turned on.

But while she’s trying to decide if she should start wanking it to these proceedings…the Cumpire STRIKES!



So Wolverine hair there has been literally sucked dry. As his crumpled body falls to the ground, the Cumpire turns to the African American guy.



Before Karate Girl can do anything, he’s now all shriveled up too. I love the guy on bottom’s “H…Help!” Dude, you’d never have this problem if you learned to keep your pecker in your pants.



Karate Girl *ahem* causes the Cumpire to?...dismount?...from her victim and then they start to scuffle. That’s when the Cumpire releases another of her hidden powers.

Yup! I called that one. She can make people super-horney. That last line about “love juice” is hilarious. But just as Yuki is stating how her “mound is hot and swelling” while the Cumpire eggs her on so she can kill her with ecstasy…



Yes! It is Lady America and Becky.

Karate Girl, in the immortal words of The Bowler “Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today?” Or as Lady America says…



Heh, what a subtle dig. “Enjoying yourself?” Anyway, the two agents of The Buckler take our alien jizz guzzler back to their secret base EVEN THOUGH Karate Girl warns them to kill her. 



Once there, Dick and Duke take over watching the trussed-up alien while Lady America and Becky go “rest”. And of course even though they are stand-ins for Nick Fury and Dum-Dum Dugan, Dick and Duke end up being rapey assholes who become so obsessed with hot alien sex that they…well, you’ll see in a moment.I suspect you know where it will go.

(note the talking pussy again)



But first I have to tell you that “rest” for Lady America and Becky means lesbian sex. Because of course it does. But even Adult Crapbox posts have an upper limit for the amount of naked sex pictures I will throw in and I’ve just about reached it.

I will say that the dialogue is some of the most forced and awkward I’ve ever encountered. Who could write “My pussy drips too much! And my panty is wet and stained with love juice,” with a straight face? There are several more mentions of “love juice” and opening a certain orifice as wide as possible so one could look inside and one occurrence of “piss out” which I don’t even wanna contemplate…ew!

Wasn’t this book about superheroes? With a killer supervillain?

Like the book itself suddenly remembers, the two Buckler agents “guarding” the Cumpire reach their final climax and an alarm sounds, interrupting the female superhero pair.




They come rushing into the prisoner holding area only to find the dead agents. It prompts Lady America, also known as Stella, to tell Becky they must “find her out!” and that she is to “Find her and kill!!”



But while searching, the Cumpire sneaks into position in her butterfly form and knocks Lady America out with her orgasm power. 



Then she pulls the same trick on Becky. Oh no!



Oh my! Frankly, I’m beyond words. The poor grammar and visuals have rendered me speechless. Not to mention that word balloon again points to a pussy that is now saying “Woof! Do anything!” What the fuck do I say about that? I don't know how to comment on this and I'm laughing so much that I can't breath.

THANKFULLY! Karate Girl shows up and saves the day.



She knocks out the Cumpire and is just about to kill her when the poor murdering alien starts to cry, gaining her sympathies long enough for her to listen to her tale of woe.



And life on that planet was far different from ours…



I…those are penis shaped plants. They have veins. And scrots that all bunch together at the base. So these girls just lay around all day sucking plant penis. I mean, it makes about as much sense as anything else here, I suppose. Thank god her planet blew up. A few of those plants and there would be no use for men anymore. 

Can we wrap this up now. Please? 



So Karate Girl’s brilliant idea is to turn the Cumpire into a paid prostitute so she can survive. But won't she end up killing her Johns?...I guess that's a question for another day.

To sum up…I do not know where to start. I will state that this was the most difficult issue I've ever had to review. I mean, from the standpoint of decency, this book is pure smut. It is a porno made into a comic book. Same threadbare plot. Same silly language and dialogue. Same cardboard cutout characters who are all perpetually horny and non-discriminating. All of it.

I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination and I believe the comic book market is broad enough to encompass all kinds of genres including this one. I am, however, sensitive to what other people think. Sex is a highly personal and charged issue. What I can read objectively and feel fine with talking about will likely be outside of polite conversation for many others.

However, this is art. By that I mean the entirety of the book and not just the pictures. Conveying a story in a visual medium counts as creating art. Even this story, which serves to do little other than titillate and amuse, is a form of art.

If you want a true objective option of it, I’d state that I was entertained by it. It is silly and stupid, but somewhere between the Engrish phraseology and the superhero parody with heavy doses of porn, I started to laugh along with the book. I’m glad I had the opportunity to read it, even though I would never pull another issue of the title out of the bargain bin.

If you decided this book was worth seeking out, that choice is totally up to you. I make no judgment if you do.